Sunday, January 03, 2010

day +866

Well, the end of the break is here. I return to school tomorrow. But it has been a pretty good one.

Before New Year's, I and friend went to the Guggenheim where we explored the grand Kadinsky exhibition. In fact, we didn't even get a chance to see everything but we got pretty close. Having started our tour at the end of the exhibition where the crowds were thinner, we quickly developed a fondness for the graceful geometrical and biological themes in his later work.

His earlier paintings didn't pull as nearly as much. But again, had we started at the beginning of the exhibition our opinions might be different.

Avatar was pretty wild. A friend and I saw it in 3D a few days ago.

There were a number of things that I didn't get around to doing, such as reading more, but as Dr. R told me recently, that's alright. I had given my all to this new teaching position and needed some time to just chill during this break. This is a reminder to me that sometimes it can be difficult for me to just be still. Most times, I have this kinetic impulse to do something (and do it exceptionally well) all the time.

As my life has become more "normal," the raw and piercing sensitivity that my cancer experience engendered has softened. Occupied now more by the challenges and responsibilities of normalcy than cancer, I can see where in some corners of my life that insatiable hunger has changed. For example, when it comes to my photography project I no longer am as eager to go out in the cold, dark morning at 5:30 for a twilight shoot. I'd rather sleep and stay warm. Now this doesn't mean I wouldn't do this, because I still do but the urgency to do it as often as I did immediately after my transplant has waned.

It is remarkable how when death is so close one cuts through all the crap in their life and begins to harness their inner strength to focus on those issues which mean the most. Openness and clarity emerge where it didn't exist before. Newly discovered paths lead to unimagined destinations. New found courage and perseverance help to restore one's hope. New found pleasures turn a frown into a smile. Appreciation for the frailty and preciousness of life begin to cultivate a new consciousness for how to live.

In life, change is indeed the one true constant. The challenge, I suppose, is to be aware of this cosmic truth and then, to try to be as malleable through life's certain turns and dips while keeping that incandescent flame of youthful courage, openness, and optimism alive.

In this new year of endless possibility, I wish everyone the happiness that they seek.


Post a Comment

<< Home