Friday, August 17, 2007

day -4

Today I'm scheduled to receive only another dose of fludarabine, which I'll continue to get until Sunday.

Yesterday, day-5, was a sluggish day. I woke up feeling bloated and a bit queasy. Before eating breakfast, I threw up my dinner from the night before. Not very fun. Afterwards, I felt considerably better but I didn't feel like eating until dinner time when I had chicken noodle soup, sweet peas, and drank ginger ale.

The throwing up really frightened me. It was violent and I started sweating. It hit home that this - what I'm embarking upon - is very real and it's just the beginning. The shit hit the fan, so to speak. I started to become very anxious and worried about becoming claustrophobic in this small room with so much that's going on for 4 weeks.

Dr. Levine, the psychiatrist, came in with his assistant and we talked about how I was feeling. He came just in time since I had thrown up not too much earlier and had become anxious and unsettled about my hospital experience. I was given Ativan a bit later, which helped to relax me and for the rest of the day and night I was in a sleepy haze.

I received my second dose of fludarabine yesterday.

Su came in the evening and spent the night, but I have almost no memory of her at night. That's how out of it I was! I was comforted to see her lying in the recliner next to my bed this morning and for her to be there during the doctors' morning tour.

Dr. Guenther Koehne, who replaced Dr. Jakubowski as chief on service, said that they will try to get me into the ICU late today or tomorrow in preparation for the ATG. He told me not to be frightened about it, but that everything being done was precautionary. It doesn't mean any of the side effects will surface, though most people experience rigors from ATG.

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