Monday, November 20, 2006

comfortable with uncertainity

I bought my return ticket to home about a week ago. I'm scheduled to fly home on December 18th and stay there until January 2nd for the winter break. In fact, classes and exams conclude much earlier, but I decided to stay in Hyde Park in order to make some meaningful progress on my thesis research. It would be challenging, I think, for me to do work on my thesis at home which is why it's preferable I remain here for another week.

Yet with my continued anxiety about my spleen, I dabbled in the thought tonight of changing my flight reservation. Maybe I'd return a week earlier. I could have the PET-CT scan a week earlier and see Schuster a week earlier. My initial thought was that if there is something then this would perhaps give me and the medical staff some more time to figure out our strategy going forward rather than the slim two weeks that are now on the table (this doesn't include Christmas and New Year's of course). But then, I reasoned that if there really is something a week wouldn't make a real difference probably, because most likely I'd not be able to return to Chicago by the 2nd anyway. Who knows how long I'd have to remain in NYC before I could return to school? So in the end, I decided to just hang in there. In one month, which is not a long time at all, I'll be home and able to tackle these issues. So, I just need to remind myself to hang in there. The time is short.

Yes, my thoughts are just that - thoughts. They come and go, but I'd figured it was important that I record them.

I've started to read another book by Pema Chodron called Comfortable with Uncertainty, which I bought before I left home. I don't remember but I may have mentioned this book in the past. Because of my studies, I haven't found much time to read it but in the little time that I have had I've found her words to be very comforting. They're excellent to contemplate. The spirit of her book reminds me very much of my conversations with Dr. Roberts.


Comment Anonymous Anonymous said...

Duane, thank you for visiting and signing my HD blog. I saw your clip on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and it's great! You look so well! I wish you continued good health and simply the best of everything. I'll add your site to my cancer warrior blog links.

Stay well and best wishes.



9:20 PM  
Comment Blogger Duane said...

Thanks, Anne. Best of health to you too.


9:51 PM  

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