Tuesday, May 09, 2006

arrows everywhere

I have been in a little of funk the past few days, which is why I haven't posted anything til now. But I started to come out of it today. Though I must say, it has taken a bit too long for my own comfort. Ever since I received the depressing news from my opthamologist last week, my depression began and that's all that was needed for my mind to worry about other issues, thus exacerbating the problem. But like I said, I think I'm emerging out from this hole finally. Although the cancer treatment is over that doesn't mean that all the drama ends. In fact, it continues though in a different form. The daily stress of treatment is no longer an issue now, but other matters begin to come to fore.

Before this recent setback, I had stayed quite active. Sometimes I'm amazed at how much I have been doing in the roughly three months since my discharge from the hospital. I'm branching everywhere it seems. Today in Moscow, anniversary celebrations of the Red Army's victory over Nazi Germany were held. My recent activities remind me of one of those WWII military maps that show army and troop movements on the battefield. The arrows point in almost all directions. I admit that a few times I have felt that maybe I'm doing a bit too much, but that's a transitory thought usually. The vast majority of the time I feel very pleased about the myriad of activities that are keeping me busy. Activity is what I need right now indeed.

I use the word "explore" a lot when I want to describe to others what I'm doing now that I'm out the hospital. I'm exploring this or exploring that. I seem to be trying out so much right now, which is why I thought about the military map with its pincer movements and colored arrows illustrated. This is my Period of Exploration akin to the Era of Exploration or the Age of Discovery in the annals of European history. How long my exploring will last I do not know. It doesn't matter really. In some way, I hope it lasts for a very long time because it has provided me with the opportunity to review, reflect, and rediscover things about myself that I had neglected, overlooked, or forgotten. This is a time for serious house cleaning.


Comment Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Duane -

I am glad that were able to pull yourself up!! Keep your head up - you are a strong strong person and you will fight no matter what hinders your path in life!

Thanks for the link on your website, that was very sweet of you. I hope that anyone who reads my blog gets something out it....

Thinking of you!


1:53 PM  
Comment Blogger Duane said...

The very best to you Tianna!

11:34 PM  

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