Sunday, January 08, 2006

while in queue

From the museum, I headed to Circuit City in order to exchange a purchase which was defective. As I and others waited in line to exchange our purchases, a few individuals began suddenly to draw their attention to the cute dog of a woman who was at the cashier's station. I'm not a dog lover, but there was no mistaking that this dog was adorable and friendly indeed. I wish I knew what kind of dog it was, but that just shows how much I know about dogs. Nevertheless, in a matter of seconds other cashiers stopped what they were doing and turned to the dog. Customers and cashiers alike made this dog the center of the universe for a few minutes. It was quite funny really seeing everyone fawn at the customer's dog like it was a newborn baby. In the midst of all of this, I and the woman who was immediately ahead of me in line began to comment on how adorable and affable the dog was and about the store and the reasons for why we were exchanging our purchases. As we chatted briefly while waiting in the queue, I couldn't help but realize that, "Hey, she's pretty cute." But in my usual sad way I found it quite awkard and embarrassed to inititate anything further and so left it at that.

Not thinking anything more about the situation after I left the store, I was of course surprised (pleasantly) to run into her again at the platform of the uptown No. 4 train at Union Square. We entered the same subway car in a crowd of other New Yorkers eager to get to their destination, but I didn't say anything. I acted cleverly like I didn't see her. She didn't say anything to me, but I'm pretty sure that she recognized me on the platform before we entered the car. I just buried my head in a book that I had been reading earlier and that was it. This is, of course, Duane at his best when it comes to making meaningful dialogue with the ladies: timid, lacking in confidence, and embarrassed. In light of my usual timidness, it was my own worries about me as a cancer patient possibly contemplating about a romantic interest in a girl which I think was the biggest deterrent to me initating anything. It's very wierd indeed. You feel attracted to someone but then it's like you have "kudees." Ewwwh. They're just too much going on right now in my life and I know it just doesn't seem right nor feel comfortable to invite someone inside with all the drama going on.

Despite what transpired, today was my first time outside since I was at the hospital a couple of days ago. Eventhough nothing developed from my conversation with the attractive girl in the queue, it was still wonderful to have enjoyed those few minutes talking to her, seeing the brightness of her smile, and feeling the pleasure that comes from knowing you're alive.

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