Thursday, January 12, 2006

slow but steady

I find myself waiting for my father to return home from work so that he may give me the required Neupogen injection. I had planned to give it to myself tonight but I was too nervous. After cleaning with two alcohol pads the site on my thigh where I wanted to inject the Neupogen, I hesitated and hesitated unable to give myself the shot. I know that I would be fine if I just didn't think about the pain and just did it, but that's easier said then done. It's one thing when someone gives it to you and you can look away, but giving it to yourself and looking at it at the same time is something else all together. I really wanted to give myself the Neupogen, but I was too timid. After maybe 7 minutes of stalling, I, then, followed my mother's advice and decided to wait for my father, who has continued to give me the Neupogen since the beginning. He should be home soon. He comes home about 11:30pm usually.

Of course, the reason for tonight's Neupogen injection is because I must return to the hospital again tomorrow for yet another day of stem cell collection. Tomorrow will mark day 5. I'm really surprised that the harvesting process has taken so many days this time. It's tiring but it's okay, because although it has been a protracted process, I know that despite the obvious slowness of the process I'm moving towards the very place that I want to be. This experience will not last forever. When the collection is complete, this experience will begin to become a memory and the next step, not this one, will soon occupy my attention and energy. And to be frank, I think it's this next step which might be the most difficult. So, if I continue to keep in mind that the obvious frustration and slowness surrounding the stem cell collection process is transitory, then it doesn't seem so bad.

On a side note, I received my first ever transfusion this afternoon after my stem cells were collected today. My platlets were at 16, which is low but not dangerously low Manny explained to me. However, as a reassurance the medical staff decided to give me a transfusion of platlets. First I received Benadryl via IV and then, I was given the platelets, which infused over about 20 minutes. During the taxi ride home, I felt myself become sleepy and at a few points throughout the ride I dozed off. Benadryl, which is given to patients receiving transfusions to help prevent any possible body reaction during the tranfusion, can cause drowsiness or dizziness. Soon after I arrived home, I went to bed and fell asleep only to wake up a few hours later.


Comment Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are a real "trooper" keeping up your good spirits and appreciative nature through this whole ordeal. All of your friends are very impressed by you and your ability to go through this with such a positive attitude. I know how hard it is especially with all of the delays and bumps in the road.
You are amazing!

8:45 AM  
Comment Anonymous ravensong9 said...

I agree. I am totally impressed by what you go through with your daily life. I'm totally in awe. I'm really glad you have this blog; it's totally inspiring. The way you convey your struggles is so honest and refreshing; it makes me work harder at my own writing, to try and match what you do. If that makes any sense at all...

7:29 PM  
Comment Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is said that when the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something has suffered damage and has a history, it becomes more beautiful. Well, think of all the needles and catheter holes filled with gold ... you are beautiful!

1:25 AM  
Comment Blogger Duane said...

Wow. Thank you all for your inspiring and heartfelt comments. Honestly, your encouragement makes this blog so worthwhile and meaningful. Thank you for making it so.


10:27 PM  

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